Dani Drama Queen: The Ultimate Messy Night - As Told Through Whatsapp


Have I mentioned I love dancing and drinking? Oh hello there, future employers! Hire me! So yeah, I’m a sucker for a good discoteca. This has always been the case. From 11 years old at the school disco all the way to 22, I’ve been to some of the messiest night clubs in the world. My primary school sports hall was where the love began and there was no chance it was ending there. Since those beautiful years, they have become a frenzy of glow sticks, sticky surfaces, creepy dudes, wonderful girls in toilets and over-priced taxis home.

Last weekend, I spent the day in a lovely beach city called Castelldefels, just a little way down the road from Barcelona. You guessed it, there’s a castle. And also my self-respect.

thanks, bro

Despite having one of my favorite days ever at the beach, getting drunk with mates, eating tapas and prinking (pre-drinking or pre-gaming) at 12 PM, nursing a beer and reading my book, alone.  I’ll explain later. The night turned a little weary and I can safely say it was one of the worst, if not, the worst night out in my life.

Why are you telling us this, Dani? Well, because we all love a story with a moral at the end. You’ll just have to wait a while.

I don’t know if you’re anything like me but I always drunk text my best friend with around 10-15 one-liner texts to update him on my night. The last one at 5 am? “So the plot thickens – I got kicked out.” He read and ignored. He knows.

I thought I’d update you on my evening as if I’m texting you too. Bare with.


true FYI

Having the loveliest night u kno -11.06 pm

So I am waiting for my friends to get ready


so I’m gonna go to a bar and read my book   -11.31 pm


Is it bad I’m crying at my book in this packed bar?

There are kids like WTAF at me    -11.56pm


Omg when are my friends coming it’s so late

I’m falling asleep  – 12.12 am (!)


Oh ffs, I’ve just had a nightmare in the club

I left my phone in a taxi  (honestly I’m sober) 1.55 am


Got in the club and realized and ran out

Missed the taxi so my friend had to call me

He came back     – 2.15am


I went back to the club but the woman who let me in didn’t give me my free entry drink token thing-y   -2.33am

I just tried to ask for my token and everyone was like ?? no ??  – 2.40am


Then went to cloakroom to put my bag in because it’s a backpack and it’s $8 and I don’t have that so I’m gonna rock that classic dancing w/ a backpack look.      -2.45am

LOOOOL I just got shouted at for not putting it in the cloakroom by security and almost sobbed. He was mean vibes.


He was like fine, stop. Keep it on your back though.          -3.25am

I’m so sober but I can’t afford a drink bc I didn’t get my free drink 🙁 🙁 🙁 -3.45am


(I did buy one in the end, I’m the worst)


The plot thickens – they kicked me out -4.36 am

!!!I’M BACK IN !!!!!  – 5.09am


donde? is my phone?

My best mate – Okay I’m awake enough to process this – 9.05am

Alive  – 10.15am

So basically, it was okay but a bit stressful and I was scared about getting home without a phone. Danced away, got a drink and started feeling it. At 4.30, a security guy found me in the smoking area and kicked me out because of my backpack. I was trying to argue but my Spanish is honestly tragic, just kept saying POR QUE???? I sat on the side of the street pulling a face and then asked if I could at least go to the toilet cause I had to get a 2 hour bus home (I actually hadn’t checked yet) and mean security guy asked his boss if I could and his boss, aka a man of dreams, checked my backpack in for free. I got in the club and realized I hated it there and I couldn’t stand the same songs for the 5th time.


I checked city mapper and it was actually 3 hours to get home – ridic bc it was 1 to get there. I asked a taxi driver how much a taxi would be and they said 20-25$ which is hilarious considering I wouldn’t pay 8$ for a cloakroom.

Got in the taxi and the woman was having a legit breakdown and told me her whole life story, single, sad, ill and kept checking I had my seatbelt on.

Finally arrived home at 6am and THE TAXI WAS 37$. I’m still not over it. It was a 23 minute drive.

Anyways I’m hungover and I’m gonna sleep. Love ya.     -11.46am

me at the club drinking $10 drink after complaining about a compulsory $8 bag check

Obviously, I’m being slightly dramatic. It’s not the worst night out in history. But it was pretty unlucky, considering I’m normally the one dancing on the stage asking the DJ if he has any ABBA.

Clubbing in a different country can be incredible, but not always. Maybe you’ll lose money, your phone, your free drink entry (temporarily), and get kicked out. But that’s all the components to a good story.

Anyways, if anyone wants to contribute to my Go Fund Me to pay for my taxi you can on www.gofundme.com/danisastupidputaandyoushouldgiveyourmoneytoawaybettercause



we wish I was over reacting BUT

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