This post was contributed by Steven Knollmeyer.
Let’s not waste time rambling about the obvious: the world’s in lockdown. I’m the type of person that whenever I have a moment free I’m working on my next hustle, drafting my next business plan, jotting down a favorite travel story, and doing the most that I can to chase my dreams. What have I done this past week? Watch countless hours of TikTok, drink a lot of wine, and occasionally get on a Zoom call with some old travel buddies. What will I do next week? The same.
As COVID-19 rawdogs society, I’ve been seeing a lot of posts across social media that this is our time to finally tackle all of those projects we’ve been putting off like learning new skills, getting in shape, learning a new language, or whatever it is that we’ve said we haven’t had time to do when life was normal. I would like to go on the record and say that I will be doing none of that – at least right now.
I’m f*cking anxious. I’m wildly privileged that I have the luxury of not normally experiencing anxiety, and I feel bad even writing about it now, but I can’t imagine that I’m the only one feeling similarly. I am the unoriginal backstory of a gay boy that lived in the south and fled to New York City and ~found himself~ through traveling the world. As cliché as it is, I can’t pretend that I don’t find peace and personal mental stability in this. Now today, as we’re forced to stay home (for good reason!), I’ve temporarily moved back to my parents’ house in the south for the first time in 7 years, I’m having to cancel trips, and I feel like that lost kid again. Going back to privilege – I’m still employed remotely, I’m still healthy, I don’t have to worry about my next meal – I shouldn’t be complaining.
But yet, here I am feeling sorry for myself.
On paper, I check all of the boxes of the type of person who is privileged enough to be using this time to accomplish all of those things that I’ve been putting off. But I’m not going to accomplish those things, and that’s okay. We’ll learn that language when we want to, we’ll maybe get that six-pack down the line, but today, we just need to be present and make ourselves feel as okay as we can day-by-day. Recognize the privileges you do and don’t have during this, and don’t put anyone else down for feeling what they do.
Check-in on your friends and family, and here’s hoping we’ll be able to have our passports out again soon enough.
Meet Steven: Another twenty-something New Yorker that can be found anywhere tacos and bottomless mimosas are served. Keep up with him on IG.