This post was contributed by Rebekah Baird.
Ah, we’ve definitely had a complicated past, haven’t we? From all the way back to that fateful night in 2016 that I spent in tears over the impossible visa process, until now, almost four years later, STILL crying over them damn visa issues.
We surely have experienced highs and, well, mainly lows together and I see no end in sight.
While this letter is mainly for therapeutic reasons, I do, however, have some advice for you. So, my beloved administration française, chuck that self-help book away, because I’m about to give you some golden advice that will (if followed) change you for the better.
Here’s a computer, now USE IT!
No, seriously! Honey, do you even know how to use a keyboard? This isn’t the 18th Century anymore, these days we use something called the internet, ever heard of it? The internet is an amazing land of efficiency and speed… neither of the things you’re familiar with. And in this magical land, there’s something called emailing. Now this, you gotta try! Instead of wasting hundreds of euros on stamps and waiting weeks for a response, you can have an easy and FREE communication. Plus, there won’t be any risk of you “losing” anyone’s important documents anymore, so you’ll have to think up another excuse when people ask where their Carte Vitale is. This all sounds amazing, right? Now USE IT!
Be kinder to socially awkward people, please.
Ok at this point you’re just being mean. Since you’re so stubborn not to use emailing, or any other online interaction, if anyone needs to get in contact with you, you leave them with only two choices: Either wait in line for hours in a depressing little office to talk to an angry under-paid representative, or call.
Oh yes, I just said that ominous C word.
If you’re anything like me, you HATE calling, even in your native language! So even the thought of having to call in French gets me stressed. Trust me, my C1 language level goes out the window, and I find myself needing to write everything I’m about to say down, and then mentally preparing myself for at least 15 minutes before I dial the number.
So PLEASE, right now I speak for all my fellow socially awkward people, please be kind and give us the safe and comfortable option of emailing, and then actually reply!! Our confidence can only take so many awkward silences and rude customer service representatives. Plus, if I get put on hold one more time I’m gonna go crazy.
If you’re anything like me, you HATE calling, even in your native language!
Sort out your logic ASAP!!
My third and final piece of advice is a biggie, so take note… PLEASE sort out your logic!!
While I can think of countless examples of your dodgy logic, here’s the first one that comes to mind…
You’d think it’s easy to get an apartment in France, I mean it’s a basic human necessity so it should be a piece of cake right? WRONG!
To get an apartment you need at least seven different documents. Now, there’s something logically wrong with almost all seven of them, but let’s focus on one…
You’ll need to show your last three pay-slips, which obviously means that you’ll need a job. So now you just go and get a job, easy right? WRONG AGAIN! To get a job you’ll need three to five years experience as an intern, and for this you’ll need a French bank account. However, to open a bank account you’ll need, Yup you guessed it, a French apartment. It’s a never ending cycle of HELL, and this is only one example out of so many cases. Please, French administration, explain your logic to me because I don’t see it.
Oh l’administration française, don’t you see how much of a pain you are? Don’t you feel the seething HATE of the millions who have to put up with you every day? The problem is obviously you, why can’t you see that? Because sweetie, I haven’t even talked about your horribly flawed visa system, now THAT would take me days.
I just want to help you help me, I just want you to be likeable, heck, even tolerable! I’ve decided to give you only one last chance and this advice to help you change. Because let’s face it, you’re hella toxic, and we can ALL do better.
With (NO) love,
Meet Rebekah: Rebekah is a New Zealander who is far from home, working as an Au Pair and tour guide in Paris. From taking spontaneous weekend trips around Europe to quietly reading in a Parisian café, she is truly living her best life. Keep up with her on IG.